I woke up and immediately thought, oh God. What the fuck happened last night?

How on earth did I end up stoned?

Then the flashbacks started coming back. Smoking weed. Paul carrying me home. The burger.

It was a really, really good burger.

I looked over and Paul was awake.

“I am so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“It’s okay. I don’t think we’re quite ready to get you booked into the Priory,” he laughed. “I do think we need to get you a T-shirt, though.”

I don’t take drugs.
I don’t take myself too seriously.
I do take dick.

The mornings on the island were really peaceful. Everything moved slowly while everyone recovered from the night before, so we had a lazy morning in bed.

Eventually, we wandered over to the coffee hut, grabbed a couple of coffees and took them back to our room. We sat drinking them in the sunshine, looking out over the Adriatic Sea.

It felt like me and Paul were the only two people on the island.

After coffee, we decided to walk to breakfast, which was about fifteen minutes away. There was such a lovely atmosphere on the island. Everyone we passed said hello and seemed to be in a good mood.

There were even a couple of nutters running laps of the island. Well, I say nutters. I mean people with considerably more dedication than me.

I go to Pilates and the gym, but working out on holiday? Absolutely fucking not. That is true dedication.

We grabbed some food at the buffet, then headed back to our room to get changed for the daytime party.

I put on my tiny white bikini bottoms and threw my kimono over them for the walk to the pool. Paul wore shorts.

We grabbed our towels, found a couple of sun loungers and settled in, ready to start the day.

One of us grabbed a couple of beers, and then it was time for the games to start.

To ease us into the day, the first game was the human shot. A gorgeous woman and a man lay down and were covered in squirty cream, chocolate sauce, sprinkles and Baileys for people to lick off.

I definitely joined in. It’s a much more fun icebreaker than two truths and a lie, although I’m fairly sure HR would have a few concerns.

The DJ was bouncing, the sun was shining.

The couple who’d booked the cabana next to our sun loungers came down. It was Jeff and Sarah, who we’d been chatting to the night before. They were a smoking hot couple.

We got chatting again, asking if they’d had fun last night and explaining that I, in particular, had had a bit too much fun.

They asked if we wanted to join them on their cabana.

Definitely.

We moved our stuff over, and Jeff informed us that the cabana came with a bottle of Moët, which they wouldn’t drink, so we just had to let them know when we wanted it.

This was shaping up to be a great day.

Jeff and Sarah have a hotwife dynamic, which means she plays and he doesn’t. The conversation was flowing, the drinks were flowing, and Paul and Sarah were definitely flirting.

I went to the bar to get drinks for the four of us. When I came back, Sarah was sucking Paul’s cock at the cabana.

What a great morning for Paul.

Me and Jeff were having a massive perv. Sarah started riding Paul’s cock and, being the fantastic wife I am, I reached into my beach bag, pulled out my Lelo wand and handed it to Paul.

Watching her squirm over him was so hot. They both came hard.

After they’d finished, we sat around people-watching and chatting, and decided to order the Moët.

More people we’d met the night before came down and joined us, and we were building a nice group of fun, hot people.

Some more games were starting for Miss Spicy Island, so we settled in to watch the show. The contestants were told to grab another female volunteer, and I ended up getting roped in by a petite blonde.

There was a walkway across the pool, and about twenty of us ended up on it. The challenge was for the contestants to give their volunteers a “lap dance”.

The woman who’d recruited me was grinding against me, then she took my thong off. There I was, naked as the day I was born, on a “stage” in Croatia.

Well, if this isn’t the time to put on a show, it never will be, I thought to myself.

“Do you want to win this?” I asked.

She nodded.

“Sit on my face.”

Before I knew it, I was on my back with a perfect petite blonde riding my face.

Paul got the memo and came over with the Moët, passing it to her. She poured it over her breasts, letting it run down her stomach, over her pussy and into my mouth.

And I don’t think I spilled a drop.

I can’t remember if she won.

A few of us were in the pool at this point, messing around, flirting and just having a great time.

One of the blokes told me I’d put on quite a show. Then he looked at me and said, “I think it’s your turn now.”

“Oh, is it?”

He picked me up, sat me on the side of the pool and ate my pussy.

And it was so good.

I don’t know how I didn’t accidentally drown him with how tightly my legs were wrapped around his head while he was still in the water.

Oh my God. What is today?

This is one of the things I love about the lifestyle. I’m forty and still ticking things off a sexual bucket list—even things I never had on it.

A hot man eating you out in a pool, in public, in Croatia… check. ✓

The shenanigans going on by the pool all day were unreal. People were just having the time of their lives. It was such a freeing feeling.

About half four, me and Paul decided it was nap time and headed back to our room. On the way, we remembered the burger from last night and made a burger-and-beer stop, as we were planning to skip dinner.

Still outstanding, for anyone wondering.

We chatted about the day and decided we were never leaving the island. We were officially squatters.

When we got back to the room, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We had a quick fuck, then passed out for our nap.

Next up: Cirque Bizarre.

When we woke up, it was time to shower and get ready for the night. And, on this very rare occasion, Paul’s outfit was the showstopper.

I had on a rainbow tutu, a rainbow thong and a pair of rainbow braces. An Amazon special.

Paul had a full rainbow ringmaster jacket, black Calvin Kleins, a top hat and a fibre-optic light-up whip.

He looked hot as fuck.

Tonight’s party was in an amphitheatre on the island, which was beautifully lit up. We were chatting to another couple when the show was about to start—a burlesque performance by an artist called Mère Dragon.

I’ve seen a few burlesque performances over the years, but oh my God, this blew my mind. The costumes, the music… she was so sexy. The whole aesthetic reminded me of the imagery from Marilyn Manson’s Smells Like Children artwork.

It was definitely on the edgier side of burlesque, and she was absolutely mesmerising. Look up “Mère Dragon Mad Circus” on YouTube for a teaser of the show. I was lost for words.

It was like having a fever dream on acid, in the best way possible.

We socialised for a bit, then decided to check out the playrooms.

Oh my God. It was hot and heavy in there.

We had a wander around to see what was going on. There were three rooms: a BDSM and kink room, one for couples and single ladies, and a mixed room.

There was loads of action happening in all three.

We settled on the couples room and were having a perv at the massive orgy taking place.

One of the girls gave us the nod to join in. I led Paul over to the bed and began sucking his dick. Within moments, we’d been engulfed in the action.

Body parts were everywhere.

Leaving the orgy room, we decided we needed to refuel. Pizza and beer.

A World Cup match was on. I love watching football abroad when the big tournaments are on, and there were loads of people sitting around eating pizza and burgers, watching football at two in the morning.

It was such a perfect ending to a perfect day.

Mormons, Mermaids and Absolutely No Tan Lines

The next morning followed the same lovely routine: coffee, breakfast and taking our time.

The difference today was that tonight’s Glow Night party was being held at the pool, so the daytime party had moved to the beach.

Me and Paul aren’t beach people at all, so I wasn’t particularly looking forward to this. We headed down a little later and spotted Jeff, Sarah and a few others, so we went to hang out with them.

It was a more relaxed day for us as a group. Jeff and Sarah had a massage booked and went off for that, while a couple of the others headed to workshops.

Me and Paul didn’t do any of the workshops, but they were supposed to be amazing, covering different aspects of the lifestyle. Something I’ll look into next year.

Spoiler alert: we’re definitely coming back.

Whatever combination of us was sitting together, the conversation just flowed so easily.

I was chatting to Britney, the Canadian gymnast we’d met earlier in the trip, when she mentioned she was one of ten kids.

“Wait. Were you a Mormon?”

“How did you know?” she asked.

“I don’t know, but I’m obsessed. I listen to John Dehlin’s podcast, Mormon Stories, religiously. I have so many questions.”

We were laughing. Who’d have thought we’d end up semi-naked on a beach talking about Mormonism and Britney’s own Mormon story?

I don’t even know how the original story ended. Like many of my conversations—and this blog—we got sidetracked.

Paul and Britney decided to jump into the sea off the pier. The water was crystal clear.

After a few jumps, Paul tried to get me to join in.

Absolutely, one hundred per cent not happening.

“Zoe, you’ll regret it if you don’t.”

He had a point. In my twenties and thirties, I’d let how I felt about my body hold me back.

Fuck it, I thought. I’m doing it.

And I’m doing it naked.

I took a very ungraceful jump off the pier. The drop seemed so far, and then—splash. I was in the water.

Oh my God. I did it.

And it was so much fun.

I was doing it again.

The water was amazing, so refreshing in the Croatian heat.

Later, we were lying beside a small rock pool, almost like a lagoon, when the girls decided we were taking pictures in it.

I felt a bit embarrassed at first. A bit “look at me”. But it was so liberating.

I now have some amazing pictures of me looking very mermaid-esque in perfectly turquoise water.

I wish I’d put a bikini on, because I definitely can’t put them on Facebook.

It was just an incredibly supportive group of women, all encouraging each other to feel their best.

There wasn’t much action happening today. Sand. Enough said.

But we’d had a great day.

Then it was back to the room for our nap before getting ready for Glow Night.

Paul wore neon boxers. I had on a neon pink thong and an LED cape from SHEIN. It was perfect.

You could not miss me.

We headed to the pool and caught up with the gang.

We watched the DJ and the show, had a dance and were just having an absolute ball.

Then a few of us decided to head to the playrooms and make the party even hotter.

We went to the couples and singles room and had a massive orgy. It was hot and steamy, and safe to say we were becoming great friends.

We must have been in there for a couple of hours. When we were done, we stumbled over to the burger bar.

The burgers were the superior choice.

We had another beer and sat chatting amongst friends.

And they really did feel like friends by this point.

A couple of days earlier, most of these people had been complete strangers. Now we’d spent our days drinking together, jumping naked off piers, talking about everything from swinging to upbringings and getting to know far more about each other than you generally do on a normal holiday.

Maybe that’s what was so special about the island.

There was no pretending. No worrying about what people thought of you. No sucking your stomach in. No wondering whether somebody was judging your marriage, your body or the way you chose to live your life.

Everyone was just… themselves.

And somewhere between the Moët, the mermaid photos, the orgies and an unreasonable number of burgers, I realised I hadn’t thought about the outside world for days.

Well, apart from George.

I didn’t want to leave.

Luckily, we still had more island chaos to come.